any unwanted attention like whistles or comments especially the ones that make a person feel uncomfortable
How can you know it’s unwanted?
because I don’t fucking want it
Well okay but how can you know that another woman wouldn’t want it?
How are random people supposed to know a comment on your appearance will psychologically destroy you?
There’s a line.
“I like your dress!” is acceptable. “You! In the red blouse! You’re gorgeous!” is also acceptable. “I like how your dress clings to your ass, sexy!” is NOT acceptable. “You! In the red blouse! Nice tits!” is also not acceptable.
Let’s put it like this.
If your “compliment” refers directly to:
a person’s ass
their genitals
their breasts (or lack thereof)
how much you want to have sex with them
how you want to have sex with them
wanting to have sex with them against their will
seeing certain parts of that person’s anatomy (sexual or not) in a specific, sexual act
calling the person a name that is considered ‘degrading’ or involves profanity
‘pet names’ on a stranger
then it is not a compliment, it is catcalling, and consequently, is harassment.
So as I was saying. There’s a line. “Hello, beautiful.” is alright. But “Hello, beautiful. Those lips look perfect for sucking my cock.” has crossed that line.
Do not cross the line.
Here’s a good litmus test: Would you pay a woman the same “compliment” if your mom was standing right next to you?
If not, keep your mouth shut.
Here’s another test: would you say it to your mom? If not that’s probably because you’re doing something creepy and/or overtly sexual.
Telling your mom she looks gorgeous or has a nice dress on is a legitimate compliment on a person’s appearance. Remarking on your mom’s ass, tits or acts you’d like to perform with/to her is a cat call and is no better said to a stranger than to your mother.
“how do you know it’s unwanted” lmao good god how are anti-fems even fucking real
I Knoooowww. The other points are perfectly valid, and may vary from woman to woman ofc, but I was waiting for someone to tee off on that one. And also, 100 percent of women everywhere don’t have to unanimously agree on what kind of catcalls offend them. It’s totally fine if one woman enjoys certain things, and other women don’t. There’s a way to tell the difference, and it’s not that hard - it’s called a little common sense (more on that coming up).
But first, just rewind that question and really think about it: “how does a woman know if a comment directed AT HER is unwanted BY HER?!?” Uh, I think maybe we found the problem here?
I’m a guy. set aside catcalling women, for a just moment. Let’s
dıןɟ ǝɥʇ ʇdıɹɔs: Instead, let’s ask how do men “magically” know when they’re pestering other men on the street? It’s not difficult. I’m pretty sure if I said, “nice ass” or “come here baby” to a guy walking past me on the street, there’s a good chance I’m probably gonna get a strong, negative reaction. Regardless, I would argue, if the man is gay or not.
Now let’s broaden it out some more: in general, how does any person know when they’re being rude or insulting to ANY stranger? Yeah, sometimes we genuinely make mistakes, but more often than not, we (people, including men) know perfectly well when we’re appearing threatening or being an ass to someone who we don’t personally know. We know how to read body language and other non-verbal cues. We know if a woman is walking by and doesn’t respond to a catcall, that non-response is in itself, a veryclear response (so you would think that you wouldn’t keep on doing it anyway, right?). We know if we get a sharp look from a woman we just catcalled, then no, they did not like it. We know that if a woman speeds up walking (or begins to run away) when being catcalled, then no, obviously they do not like it. So, if I catcalled 100 women 100 times and got these negative responses half of, or most of the time, then I should be able to figure out what’s up. See? Common sense. No mind reading abilities or psychology degrees required.
And like I said, I’m a guy, so I apologize for stooping to this, because it devalues women to men’s property and robs women of self-agency, but every guy knows and understands this one: would you catcall a woman if her boyfriend was there with her, and you thought he could beat your ass? (No you wouldn’t - so obviously men have an excellent understanding of what’s problematic, many just don’t respect women who are by themselves).
So these “rules” of when to behave decently aren’t some indecipherable, unknowable code that only women know.
Too often (like in this thread) these “well how do I know if I’m being offensive?” questions are disingenuous smoke screens. They’re a way of taking the responsibility off of men, and putting it all on women. In essence, if I’m a man and I say that no woman has ever adequately explained to me how to treat strangers (who happen to be women) in public, then I have no responsibility to behave like a decent human being, because I can always claim “ignorance.” No matter HOW well someone explains it to me, all I have to do is claim that the answer isn’t satisfactory (surprise: it won’t ever be) and thus my behavior is excused.
BTW, this tactic (playing forever ignorant) is a tactic that racists use against Black people and NBPoC too.
Sorry for the long comment, but this shit irks me.
The logic in “but some people might like it” is extremely and completely irrelevant.
I am buying a pizza for myself and a friend.
I like spinach and olives on MY pizza, but they do not.
If I buy a pizza with spinach and olives, the presence of the toppings will bother my friend.
If I buy a pizza without, we can both eat.
It makes no sense to rely on what someone might WANT when it’s safer to offer something WITHOUT.
SOME women might be okay with catcalling. Those women will not be as bothered by a lack thereof as other women are bothered by the presence of catcalling.
Use your fucking brains, guys. Oh, sorry, that’s the thing! This ‘logic’ is entirely arbitrary and just a ploy to excuse ugly behavior.
If a straight man wouldn’t shout it at another man then it isn’t a friendly compliment meant to brighten someone’s day. If women don’t say it to men then it isn’t a charming low-stakes social interaction that may lead to happy mutual flirting. If your lesbian friends don’t use those words to attract women to have sex with then it probably isn’t an effective way to do that.
If it isn’t a compliment that you’ve heard women offering to each other, then it isn’t a cute way to make someone smile just for the sake of spreading a little joy. If you don’t have lesbian friends and have never noticed how women talk to each other then it
If you wouldn’t say it to a person in uniform then it isn’t a respectful conversation starter. If a man wouldn’t say it to a woman of demonstrably more power than him such as his boss, military superior, a judge, or a powerful politician, then he already knows that it is inappropriate enough to deserve consequences if he is caught. If you wouldn’t do it as a tourist in someone else’s country then you are aware that you should modulate your behavior based on social and cultural situations. If you wouldn’t say it to an enormous violent-looking man then you are aware of how to manage the comfort levels of other people. If you wouldn’t offer the exact same sentiment to an old homeless man in lieu of currency then your compliment is not particularly valuable.
If you would be ashamed or frightened if someone recorded you doing it and shared the evidence your boss, parents or partner then you know it was wrong. And, further, this suggests that the only thing stopping you from acting badly is the fear of being caught, which suggests poor prospects for your future career, relationships and criminal record.
There you go. That’s how you know when addressing strangers in public is appropriate. That’s how you know when you’re being offensive. In fact, you already knew a lot of it!
*spluttering*
But…butbutbut eloodiiiiiiieee that doesn’t leave me ANYthing to holler at passing humans at the top of my voiiicccceeee!
